Culture Frontupside continues
After “The Upside of Failure” discussion at The Rose last Wednesday, several people shared their continued thoughts and reactions with me.
One person reflected on the downside of success. He had been following a battle between two high-powered investors in sports and how one of them, now failing or losing for perhaps the first time in his life, had no frame of reference for failure. The investor’s life had been so focused on succeeding at all costs at everything, that he didn’t know how to fail… and thus FLAILED.
Ben Roth’s gluttonous polar bear mini golf hole.
Another friend decided upon a new motto for himself: “FAIL OFTEN AND PUBLICLY.” His logic being that when he messes up and his friends know about it, they tend to be far more supportive than his harsh inner critic is when he is alone. His friends help him get back on the right track; plus they remind him that failure is part of life and is survivable.
Another of the evening’s attendees told me that whenever she gets too mired in obsessing about her failures, she remembers PERSPECTIVE. She noted that there are 7 billion people on the earth, and she counts herself as one of the very fortunate ones in terms of having her basic needs met. When plagued by self-critique, she turns instead to GRATITUDE for what she has and is capable of.
One friend was angered by the topic altogether. He feels that Americans are paralyzed by FEAR of failure, and that to dwell on the subject only pushes us further into that fear. He says that fear of failure is responsible for a lot of our irresponsible consumer choices, always trying to protect ourselves from what we fear. He would have rather had a program focused more on UPSIDES…
Ben Roth’s pig that was not to be.
Many people noted that failure is often directly related to EXPECTATIONS. The higher and more specific our expectations, the more possible a specific and crushing sense of failure.
A few first-time Culture Front attendees shared their thoughts with me. One friend wished we had better defined our terms. He thought the speakers talked about “SETBACKS,” not true failures. But perhaps that brings us back to perspective.
Happily, several people were inspired by the conversation, relieved to hear other artists and creative people talking about the bumps in the road. One artist wrote to me, “I left feeling inspired to keep creating and pushing forward.”
A number of folks told me they appreciated Ben Roth’s willingness and courage to show images of failed art pieces and so I have used several of them here. I also collected a few of the images Nona shared, including the Baby Who’s Got Your Back (Google search: “Success”) and this wonderful image of a twisting wooden space that has been tested to the brink of failure then reeled in so it wouldn’t fail.
And Matt Daly had additional poems by other poets that address the theme of failure – quite successful poems, as it happens! Here are audio links to those poems:
“Late At Night” by William Stafford
“For What Binds Us” by Jane Hirschfield
Plus, I know you’ll want to hear “The Lanyard” again:
“The Lanyard” by Billy Collins
Do you have more thoughts and comments to share?
4 Comments on “upside continues”
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“To be a poet is to have a soul so quick to discern, that no shade of quality escapes it, and so quick to feel, that discernment is but a hand playing with finely ordered variety on the chords of emotion—a soul in which knowledge passes instantaneously into feeling, and feeling flashes back as a new organ of knowledge.”
— from MIDDLEMARCH by George Eliot
Just setting the bar as low as I can for Matt….
“The Lanyard” is one of my all time favorites, having made at least four for my mom over the four summers I went away to summer camp near Yosemite. Completing my first lanyard seemed quite the achievement, the rest were icing on the cake.
As someone a solid two decades older than most of the speakers and friends who commented, it was like watching much more confident and accomplished versions of myself and my friends at your age—we were generalists, all flailing around, looking for our path. Each of the speakers from that night seem solidly set and happy with the path they are pursuing. All have achieved success, and the failures experienced success in your lives thus far will, 20 years from now, will feel very different to you than they do now. Good therapy session for all of us, with large doses of humor and wisdom!
One friend who attended sent me a very poignant question she was thinking about asking, but did not. Perhaps you will hear from her.
I also agree that as a society we do focus too much on the failure/success syndrome. It’s very unfortunate, and makes the split between America’s economic sectors ( wealthy, middle class, poverty ) even more acute. Good on ya for bringing up that point! Look out~~~when you all hit mid life, you’ll still be thinking about all of this! Unless we move to a less stressed part of the world. Great night, thanks Meg!
Hmmm, maybe my anger was a little misconstrued. I’d never be angry that anybody was discussing anything. Everything could and should be discussed. And I’d never be the type to worry about dwelling on a subject, as if doing so might push anybody anywhere. Ask any of my friends. I dwell.
What rankles me is how easy it is to become beholden to baseless self-judgements. As I said on the phone, Meg, I consider artistic failure to a subjective reaction to a subjective expectation. It’s meaningless.
But it’s good for business, if all of us are weighed down by perceived failures. Your husband Mark mentioned at the forum that he thought Americans have a pathological need to be number 1. I think this may be the photogenic veneer of the more chronic and diffuse American fear of failure, mostly instilled by our advertising industry. We’re never good enough for the dreams that corporate America tells us to have, which feeds our materialistic insecurities and helps trash the planet. I guess this is why I’m angry.
This is also why I particularly like Einstein’s quote: You never fail until you stop trying. In every process towards a goal there are roadblocks, some that bring you to a standstill. If you quit, then you’ve failed. If you continue, all roadblocks become lessons in hindsight, and in your ledger of success and failure, automatically move from the red column to the black column. Every education is a success. So if you know you’re not going to quit, you can just throw away the red pen now. Done.
Thanks again for the discussion, Meg!
Hi David,
Thanks for writing all this, and I apologize if I misrepresented you.
I love what you say about the red pen, here. Also, I think one of the biggest take-aways from this larger conversation is what you say about the subjectivity surrounding notions of failure and success, particularly in art. One anecdote I forgot to mention in the original blog post was talking to someone after the event who has a piece of art by a local artist – he loves the piece but the artist no longer likes it. So who then is the judge of if the piece is a failure? Totally subjective.
Which also reminds me of something Kathryn Turner said afterwards, that she refers to herself as a painter and leaves it up to her viewers to decide if what she paints is “art.”
THANK YOU for the dialogue, and for clarifying your thoughts.
Meg